One minute your toddler’s all smiles. The next they’re on the ground kicking and screaming for what seems like no apparent reason. Welcome to the ’terrible twos’.
Temper tantrums are very common around this age and they‘re a perfectly normal part of child development. They usually happen in the presence of a child’s main carer which frustrated parents should take as a compliment - your child feels safe and confident enough of your reaction to be able to behave in this way.
Some children are prone to tantrums. Around one in five two-year-olds have two or more tantrums a day.
Around the age of two, a child's intellectual and cognitive abilities are developing fast. Toddlers start to realise they are separate beings and are becoming increasingly independent. They begin to assert themselves.
Tantrums are also more likely in children who are slow to develop verbal skills or have speech or other communication problems which can make them feel frustrated; in children who are persistent, stubborn or need a lot of attention and in those who find coping with change difficult, even minor change such as a altering your usual route to the shops.
It varies from child to child. But expect screaming, shouting and crying, hitting out, rolling on the floor and drumming legs on the ground, and some might even try to scratch or bite. Your child's likely to go red in the face and look absolutely furious. It shouldn't last more than ten minutes.
The whole purpose of your child's tantrum is to get what he wants. It's important that you stick to your guns - if you've said no to that snack just before dinner, you mean no. If you give in to the demand, your child will learn he can get what wants by having a tantrum.
There's no point trying to reason or argue. A child of two will not understand rational argument. Also don't laugh, even if reason for tantrum seems ridiculous. The anger and frustration that triggered the outburst are genuine.
The best strategy is often to ignore your child's behaviour completely and let them get on with it. Make sure the environment's safe and there are no sharp corners nearby. Your child's behaviour will get worse before it gets better but stay cool, calm and firm and your child will get the reassuring message you are in control. Eventually your child will realise it's not worth getting worked up.
If you find it too difficult to ignore the tantrum, some toddlers can be distracted out of their outburst. It's worth showing your child a favourite toy or book, or turning on a music tape, while talking about it in a normal tone of voice. Don't expect an instant response but there just might be something in what you're saying that could capture your child's attention.
If you're near lots of people, for instance at the supermarket, it might be easier to pick your child up, and go outside or to a more private place. You'll be away from the inevitable audience and your child can calm down. If you can't get away, try to remember your child’s behaviour is normal for their age. The majority of parents there will be remembering when their children did the same thing. Commonly parents feel judged by the audience and under pressure to make the noise stop. It isn’t the audience that needs your help - it’s your child, so stick to your strategy.
When it’s over, there’s no point punishing or lecturing your child. Simply move on to a diverting activity, preferably one that your child won't find frustrating. Lots of toddlers appreciate being cuddled after a tantrum. It's reassuring for a child to know of a parent's continuing love.
If you can work out when and why your child is likely to have a tantrum, you may be able to pre-empt them. The following tactics are worth a try - they will work for some children, although not for others:
If you can work out when and why your child is likely to have a tantrum, you may be able to pre-empt them. The following tactics are worth a try - they will work for some children, although not for others.
Last reviewed by Great Ormond Street Hospital: April 2007
This information has been written by Great Ormond Street Hospital specialists and has also appeared in a different format on the website of The Times newspaper.
