Nobody said being a parent was easy. In fact, parenthood is probably one of the most challenging, exhausting and difficult jobs in the world. There are lots of perks – cuddles, kisses and plenty of proud moments but there are also times where you will want to tear your hair out.
All children are different, so sadly there is no recipe for success when dealing with naughty behaviour, temper tantrums or mischief. Equally there is no magic wand to wave when you have had enough and need a moment's peace.
The only way to cope when the times get rough (and it happens to the best of us) is to grit your teeth, count to ten, persevere and be patient. You will also have to pull out your multi-tasking skills – especially when you have more than one child – to ensure each one gets enough of your valuable time.
If your child has thrown a tantrum in the supermarket, kicked their sibling in a fight, swore at you during an argument or poured all your favourite perfume down the toilet you can be sure of one thing – you are not the only one this has happened to.
All children are naughty from time to time. It is their way of pushing the boundaries and learning what they can and can’t get away with. Your job as a parent is to teach them right from wrong. Dealing with naughty behaviour is the first step in letting them know what is acceptable and what isn’t.
It is always a good idea to look for trends in your child’s bad behaviour. It can be a symptom of something else which is making them anxious or unhappy such as home life, school or friends. Perhaps your child just doesn’t feel like they are getting enough of your attention.
Some children start to display bad behaviour when a new baby brother or sister joins the family. It can be a way of dealing with jealousy.
Marie – mum to Josh, four, and Evie, one – said: “Josh was a lovely, caring, sweet little boy until Evie was born. I returned from hospital with his sister and he seemed to have turned into a little devil overnight.
“He would scream at me, throw things, lash out and then he decided he was going to go back to wearing nappies, drinking out of a bottle and using his dummy – habits we had kicked about a year before Evie was born.
“I knew it was all linked but I found it very hard coping with a baby and a toddler who was trying to punish me.”
A lot of parents worry that they are spending so much time battling with an unruly child that their other children, who are generally well behaved, get overlooked.
Megan is mum to Claudia, nine, Bethan, five and Chloe, three. While Claudia and Chloe are relatively well behaved, Bethan tends to push her mother by throwing tantrums.
“She cries and screams whenever things do not go her own way,” said Megan. “It’s utterly exhausting and every night is a battle. Meanwhile Claudia and Chloe are left out. I seem to spend all my time with Bethan arguing or trying to pacify her.”
Great Ormond Street Hospital clinical psychologist Daniela Hearst said it was very important to make sure siblings of challenging children were not excluded.
“It is easy to get constantly side-tracked by a boisterous child,” she said. “The key is to set aside time in your schedule to ensure each of your children feels special.”
She said it was also important for parents not to label their children as ‘the good one’ or ‘the bad one’ but instead concentrate on acting the same way with all of them – rewarding good behaviour and ignoring undesirable behaviour unless dangerous.
“Naughty behaviour can often be a signal of a wider problem,” she said. “It can be a way of attention-seeking or marking distress in some way.
“In these cases it’s important to try and work out what the underlying cause may be as well as tackle the undesirable behaviour.”
Classic problems include younger children struggling to keep up with the academic prowess of older brothers or sisters; middle children feeling left out because they have no ‘grown up’ or ‘baby role’; and older children feeling usurped by younger siblings or babies who require more attention from mum or dad.
Daniela Hearst said: “There is no prescription to cure bad behaviour because there can be a variety of different reasons for it. However, there are a few useful tools you can employ to deal with bad behaviour as well as ensure other siblings are not ignored.”
Here is a selection of ways to approach bad behaviour:
Parents must be consistent and agree on how to deal with bad behaviour. Discuss the way you want to approach the situation and persevere. Children will sense any weakness so be strong and patient and display a united front. A ‘good cop, bad cop’ routine will get you nowhere.
Also, and often most difficult, look after yourself. Your wellbeing is extremely important and it is easy to put your own needs at the bottom of the list. Grabbing ten minutes on your own is time well spent.
If you have tried all the techniques and are worried that your child’s behaviour is getting worse or you are feeling like you cannot cope, do not hesitate in contacting your GP. There are lots of people out there who can help.
Last reviewed by Great Ormond Street Hospital: 21 October 2008
This information has been written to provide general information only, and does not replace health or medical advice. If you have any questions, please ask your doctor. No liability can be taken as a result of using this information.
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